Dyed In The Wool

Some things that I thought would make more sense as I got older are becoming even harder to understand.

I guess not everything is meant to be understood by everyone, none more than me.

Well once again time as flown by, 3 weeks to be precise.

Would like to say more, but i'm too busy because... I'm packing.. Flight to Istanbul is in 9 hours!

Can't wait to see how good Qatar Airways is. Though i'm only in economy, it's still a 5 Star airline.

I'd love to be more excited but I have too much to do.

See you in Istanbul!

Amazingly I apparently haven't updated this in 3 weeks. Am quite boggled by this, I was quite sure my last entry only felt like it was typed out just last week.

Well if this trend follows thats fine I guess, cause that would mean i'll be updating this from Istanbul when the time comes!

Yes, thats right. I think it's been about 15 years since my only visit there. But more on that later (this seems unlikely if i'm being truthful).

It's pretty late so i'm going to go.. while scratching my head in wonderment how 3 weeks has just gone by. I guess it's time to get a watch again.

I just changed my profile info and despite somethings I was more than happy to erase from public view, I couldn't help but feel somewhat inclined to just letting my current self be described by what was likely my 8-year-ago self.

While I didn't exactly put anything noteworthy, I must say changing something which had been there for so long was a little harder than I thought it would be. No matter how long this blog goes and despite how old i'll be, this blog was really my high-school era self. It's when I spent the most time updating it and pouring so much time and effort into.

It was nice though, putting something new. I'm thinking of perhaps a new template, though I definitely won't go through the trouble and hassle I did before!

I also realize that many of my listed interests.. may have just been a phase. I don't know really. But i'm sure that version of me is still there deep down somewhere. Even if it never emerges again, i'm quite glad that at one point or another it represented me and in a way I wanted.

That's the name of Lifehouse's debut album, you know, the one that had 'Hanging By a Moment' & 'Everything'.

Anyway i've finally listened to it in full over the last month or so and I think it's by far their best work so far. Granted I haven't listened to all the tracks on 'Stanley Climbfall' and the self-titled 'Lifehouse', but it proly would trump them I reckon.

Some reading has revealed it was released in 2000, a year sooner than I always thought and that vocalist aside, it was a pretty much a different line up, though I don't think it's changed their sound that much over the years.

Please do give it a listen, there's much more to them than all those slow, ballads they've been associated with over the years.

It's definitely going into my top 10 albums of the year list and those lists of mine almost never feature an album that was released in that respective year. To take a bit from the 8th track 'Cling & Clatter',

'It doesn't really matter, does it really matter?"

My my. This looks very different. The dashboard I once knew and work with for so many years looks to have been replaced by something which I am not too sure how I feel about.

But yes, since then so much has happened since May 2011?

So where I been to?

1. When I left this, I had just arrived home from Adelaide and Brisbane.
2. Well I went to Singapore in December (roadtrip!) with Deb, Cheryl & Jarrel and it was much fun. Universal Studio is off the list and my, Singapore is such a pretty country during Christmas.
3. Not too long later I went back with Eka, this time by bus, car-less and MRT reliant and it was madness. We walked so much. We got to our accommodation at 3pm and didnt return til almost 7am. That included spending long hours by the beautiful and tranquil Marina Bay. I swear I would hang out there all the time if I lived in Singapore.
4. Europe.

I (as far as i'm concerned) have finished my bachelors, just awaiting some form of confirmation. Got a B- for my dissertation on social media and its effects on socialization. Not bad for a months work.

I went to Australia (Adelaide & Brisbane more specifically) recently. Met a lot of people I hold in the highest and closest regard. Had the time of my life.

And I had an interview with Timeout KL. I feel so out of my depth honestly, applying for a writing job when I can barely piece anything together. Lets hope it goes well. Hopefully i`ll make it to the second round, cause the first was good and I cant see any reason why I would get cut so fast.

Yesterday was May 3o..which means I've had my Vios for 7 years! The one love that hasn't let me down so far.

I suppose ill elaborate further eventually. Not sure when, but I will I hope..

And yes, if you've wondered (as if anyone is reading this) I've been in self-imposed exile. So if you've found yourself ignored by me, don't worry; just about everyone has. No hard feelings and sorry for being so blunt, but I would rather be on my own for a while and not have to explain myself like I always feel I have to.

But all in all, i`m fine, alive and kicking? Whatever it is, its not a football i've kicked; haven`t played in so long I may have forgotten how to play :/

I dont know how to describe how I feel. I feel...screwed over. I mean seriously? There was no way things were ever going to be normal again, specially not after this.

50% of the time I can't understand people and I cant believe them half the other time.

This is crazy. This week has been. I am going crazy. But I hope this ends for good.

All this anger in me..I feel like I could snap any moment, who knows, do something stupid for once. Maybe instead of regretting it, I wouldnt. But nah its not me and now would be a time for a drastic personality alteration.

Im just going to use all this anger to get me through. So far its working. Even if not, its keeping my mind occupied, shielded. And its better than nothing.

With every passing second I may age even the slightest, but within the hour I age a year more on a piece of paper. Its 22 going on 23 for me.

What was being 22 like? Apart from certain ages like 13,17 etc where something usually big happens to you, being 22 was no different than any other. Theres no real set standard thing that happens to 22 year olds. Maybe finishing college or still being in it or even so starting work but its vague at that time so I dont think there's any major event I missed out on.

If anything, I think a person's age is defined by what they did. Everyone may achieve the same things but at a different age. Some younger, older..it varies but I swear there is no standard age for anything.

So what have I done?

I finally got myself a sports medal in college! As everyone knows over the years ive done basically everything in college..perform on stage with a band, dance and act. Ive been a student council person in foundation, 1st president for Bcomm, acting vice for Adp, was a prom king in 2008. I organized events like my life depended on it. But I never got a sporting achievement but I finally did. Field football, Help Sports Carnival, Bcomm was 3rd. Its not a winners medal but its something. I havent said much about it, but it means so much to me. But its my teammates who got it for me honestly, and to the rest of you, thanks..thanks so much.

I got myself out of that student council organizing stuff limbo..I was president for Bcomm..but I was pretty useless I must admit and the elections which basically unofficially 'fired' me was the best thing ever perhaps. It was fun, but I was outgrowing it and I just didnt have it in me anymore. I learnt so much, but my time had come.

I did some travelling. Well not really. Well kinda. Went to Perth for the first time. Nice quaint city. Very pretty but a little too quiet for me but it was great. Specially watching Australia and New Zealand Tri Nations in a bar full of Aussies. Great time talking to of them..really wonderful ppl too. Good food as well around.

And I guess the main highlight was that I got myself into a serious relationship. Surprise surprise eh. The notoriously picky me found someone who met my standards. A really wonderful person too. I learnt alot from it and yes I was happy. I guess thats all that matters eh. Its so clichéd, but the saying "The greatest thing is to love and be loved in returned" really is true.

Apart from that I got myself into better shape. Found out the problem with my back though im no nearer to the end of it. Ate and drank healthier too. Could do more but at my age i reckon im doing more than most.

I went thru my final throws of college. Not yet done but im almost there. Slowly friends left..overseas..completed..disappeared..so I guess that was the sad bit..but I met alot of new people. All very warm people whom I am so glad to know. Not only that, I got to know people whom I had known, but barely, alot better. Some are even my closest friends now and that is one my highlights.

I guess in summary thats all thats happened to me at the age of 22. There was more stuff as well..drama specially but ill leave that out but yes I still thrive on it.

I think maybe I could have done more but then again im rather pleased with what I did. After years of turmoil and general hectic-ness, a quiet settled down type of year was just what I needed. Finally was able to spare myself all the time I never had before.

But yes, there's many things I wish I could change..but sometimes circumstances around cant be helped and all you do is just embrace what comes your way and make the most of it. My faith has increased. Not much but im making some progress which is good and im thankful for that.

And so turning 23..I complete college and graduate soon, gotta start working. Maybe fix that back first. Etc. Its going to be a hectic time ahead..a really uncertain one as well. No clue what will happen. But I will try my best to take it in my stride. And if I cant I know there's people out there who care for me that will help me along the way.

Thank you everyone out there for making my 22th year of existence, something special to remember. A toast to the 23rd year being nothing less than that.

Riz.

Its been..a relatively uneventful year I suppose.

It was mixed but then again every year is, in it's own way. But you could say alot happened. Friends and friendships have come and gone and changed, relationships, drama, that sort of stuff has happened.

But through it all ive been thankful for everything ive had.

I'd love to say more but ive got to go.

Til then,

Happy New Year everyone! I love you all!

I was browsing through some blogs of my friends, particularly those whom I haven't had much contact with since high school.

Compared to most of them, my blog long outlasted theirs. In fact most of theirs died circa high school. Clicked on some links to blogs I used to read. People whom I used to envy, maybe wished I was, that sort. Needless to say, they've all moved on too, to where I dont know.

Then it struck me. Although most of my blogging life has been spent outside high school, the time most spent on it, was back then. All those countless late nights blogging, html editing, reading other ones. The iconic, memorable times, all back then.

And so I figured perhaps my lack of faith these days here is proly some subconscious way to slowly detach myself from that part of my life. Not that anything bad happened, but I don't forget things easily and I still dwell on things that I shouldn't, pretty frequently.

I guess its just my way of slowly 'letting go'..

And somehow I dont know whether a new blog would make me feel any better or give me that 'fresh start' feeling. I really dont think so.

Between lettings go and promising myself I wouldn't let this die, like how many others have, I just dont know.

In the midst of all this however, my iTunes is playing. And its playing songs which have certain meanings attached to them from that time. In order too. Its almost reading my mind. Feeling poignant.

And as I struggle to figure out how relevant this is in my life anymore, I fear it may be a long time before I figure the answer out; that is if I ever do. But between ever and anon, then this could be an end.

And I hope this isn't.

I miss someone. If only the next 10 days or so would come and go faster.

So I missed out on May's edition of pint sized ice cream at 31% off again. I didn't mind last year; I was in Penang, eating and being merry as a friend got married.

This time I...am siting at home sighing on how my fortunes are just getting worse. Shrug, maybe Ill go have ice cream in a lesser form on Wednesday with the Md gang. Really miss them.

And in other news, my Vios has hit its unofficial 6th birthday! Its been so good to me over the year and I hope it continues to be so. We've been through so many momentous things together, that it would suck the day that ceases..

And to make things funnier, my mom drove it in the morning fine. Then I did later. Fine. Then my dad used it to run errands, the battery died on him and he got stuck somewhere. Hahahaha thats kinda funny. And I even gave it a rare because-its-a-special-day wash myself!

Its even funnier cause usually you can tell when a battery is about to die. This one was rather abrupt. Oh well, thanks for saving me the trouble of it happening to me dad :D .

In other news, my life still sucks, but posting something again after a months absence feels rather..good. May post more in the coming days I hope. Til then, bon nuit everyone.

One year on,

And i'm still waiting for an answer

A sign or something

But nevertheless,

I'm still here waiting,

For something which may not ever come.

This sucks. Seriously. Sigh such is my life.